Dating Your Friend's Ex - AskMen
Four months ago, my wife Victoria and I finalized our divorce. It was heartbreaking on both parts. We had been married for five happy years. The sheer concept of seeing one of my mates with an ex is something of dating 'advice' married people love to dish out to their single friends. When it comes to dating your friend's ex, timing could be everything. Anyone can say, 'I don't care if you date my ex,' but you need to listen for.
You probably don't want to get any closer to the action than you need to, so when you're stuck in the same social scene, take the seat at the opposite end of the table, or strike up a conversation with the cute guy or girl at the other end of the bar.
Until you're comfortable with the situation, it's best to avoid confrontation -- it can only make you upset and say or do something you may regret.
If you're the person dating your friend's ex, you've got a much harder job. Talk to your friend: Ideally, you know that at best this situation is uncomfortable, and it's your job to talk to your friend. Your new partner your friend's ex should as well, but remember that they have broken up, while you and your friend are still "together.
If you want to keep your friendship, the worst possible thing you can do is lie.
Is Your Friend Dating Your Ex? 3 Ways To Handle Yourself With Grace And Style | HuffPost Life
For most people, when all is said and done, it will be more about how you handled the situation versus the situation itself. What won't be excused is dishonesty -- for example, making your friend believe it's "nothing serious" when it really is, or lying about where you really were on Friday night when you bailed on that group dinner.
This will destroy trust, and with it any chance of maintaining the friendship. Same advice, different meaning. You've got the relationship; your friend does not. Try not to flaunt it. There is probably a reason that your friend and the ex broke up in the first place, and over time your friend will most likely realize that.
Dating Your Friend's Ex
Don't force them to come to that conclusion any sooner than they are comfortable with. Once you've had the initial conversation about the situation, we suggest backing off and letting your friend come to you, when the time is right.
Which camp are you in? Do you think it's acceptable to date a friend's ex? Why or why not? I don't mean that you can never be happy again after breaking up with someone. Of course you can. But it's largely a matter of compartmentalizing.
- It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
- Is it ever OK to date your friend’s ex?
- Is Your Friend Dating Your Ex? 3 Ways To Handle Yourself With Grace And Style
You get a new and even prettier girlfriend, or hang out with your friends more, or get into jiu jitsu or knitting. You get a new life so you don't spend all your time sitting around and crying about your old one like the baby you are.
Sure, people will talk about their old relationships and say that they're "over it" or that it "wasn't meant to be," or pepper you with other related nonsense phrases, but what they mean is they're not thinking about it right now. All of those old wounds stick around, just waiting to be re-opened. You're always going to feel weird when you see your ex, at least a little bit. If you're still friends with your exit wasn't that serious, or it's still serious. And, if you date your friends' ex, you're telling your friend that your romantic feelings are more important than their happiness.
Because they're going to see you holding hands with their ex, and remember how nice that felt, and if you think they won't envision you having sex together, you're being naive. Of course, that's going to hurt.
Inherently, it's a selfish thing. You're saying, "screw you and your silly emotions, I've got to get laid. Does this mean you should never, ever date a friend's ex? It means that it's a bad idea, but that's not the same as "never do it.
It's possible that you've got an uncommon romance on your hands. Maybe this is your future wife, or muse, or whatever it is that you're looking for. If this is the case, you'd be missing out on years of potential passion if you passed up on this girl for the sake of sparing your friends' feelings. Like I said, this is a tough one. You've got a hell of a decision to make. Accordingly, you should treat this like any other important decision, which is to say that you should get as much information as possible.
First, be real with yourself. Is this girl really special to you?Ask Wendy: Dating Your Friend's Ex
Is there actually an uncommon reaction between you — some sort of deep compatibility that's worth alienating your friend for? Or is she just an attractive person who finds you attractive, too? Those two things are so, so easily confused.
Approach these questions with the maximum possible skepticism about yourself. If you feel fluttery every time you talk to a pretty girl, keep that in mind. If you're currently lonely and you really need to get laid, consider that maybe you're just desperate.
And dwell on the fact that some of your excitement might just come from the taboo nature of this potential relationship, because, like everyone else, you want what's off-limits. If I were a betting man, I'd bet that your crush on this girl is just like any other crush. It's a fun illusion, which, if pursued, might reveal a great relationship, or might not.
Odds are, that's what this is, in which case you should probably just sigh, move on, and hit up your online dating site of choice, where you can find lots of other crush-worthy women.